I was speaking with a friend about not having enough mothering in her life, and afterword, upon thinking about it, I have some thoughts that I’d like to share:

It’s rather “common knowledge” within the psychology world that if a person hasn’t had mothering while growing up, that feeling of being unconditionally accepted, loved and cared for, that he or she wouldn’t be able to, in turn, be mothering of others.  

I don’t think that this is necessarily true, however, because you can’t miss something without knowing on some level what it is you’re missing.  In other words, how do you know what you miss unless somewhere inside of you, you recognize the experience?  On some level, I think that we all know what mothering feels like.  (Notice that most ancient civilizations has some type of goddess imagery.)

I think that this gives us a way of working with mothering, to start by actually embracing what it is that we’re missing rather than running from it.  So, in terms of mothering, even if we weren’t loved or our mother’s weren’t there for us in one way or another, we still have within us an inner knowledge of what mothering is and can find it within.  Instead of turning away from those painful feelings of missing your mother, for example, focus even more on what you’re missing, trying to bring up as many feelings as possible. Feel what you are missing.  What would it feel like to have your mother’s arms holding you, for example?  Now, instead of combining the feeling of your mother’s arms with the thought of “missing” them, instead,  just feel your mother’s arms.  Feel all of the peace, security and love of her arms holding you.  Focus just on the love.  The more you do that, the more deeply you experience it.  A good next step is this:  As you continue to feel this mother-love, you can next send these feelings out to others…friends, family and even strangers.  In that way, you’re now able to experience mothering and can share it with others, which brings even more mothering into your world.

We all could use some mothering!    

 

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